What is happening to me?

Its pulling me apart from the inside out. The pain is so intense and its zapping me of any energy. The heavy weight, feeling like a tonne of bricks sitting in my womb. The ache in my back, making it impossible to get comfortable. The shooting pains from my hips down through my legs. The tension in my head, making it difficult to concentrate. And the nauseous feeling, sitting there as a constant warning.

This week has been one of the hardest I have had since being diagnosed. The worry about whats happening inside. The concern about whether I need to go back to the hospital. Is this normal? Is this part of the parcel?

I want to cry. Cry because it hurts. Cry because I am frustrated. Cry because I miss my simple normal life.

What is happening to me? Why is my body struggling to fight so hard this week?

A x

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Womb-less

Image
Well, here we are 3.5 weeks post "the big op". 3.5 weeks since I lost a part of me. 3.5 weeks since my world changed. But most importantly, 3.5 weeks since my journey to living again started. The day itself came round very quickly. The months notice I had went by in a flash, and before I knew it, I was laying in the hospital. I started my op prep a couple of days before the big day, it was as unpleasant as I had expected. The bowel prep was certainly more aggressive this time, lasting right up until 10 mins before I went down for surgery and it's safe to say I felt utterly rotten. I felt so sick the morning of the op. I was sitting on my bathroom floor next to the toilet thinking oh my goodness, I can't go, I can't leave this bathroom let alone the house. Sheer panic had a hold of me and my anxiety had me sat frozen, pleading with myself to move. It was the toughest battle I've ever had with my own brain before an operation and between you and me, I truly didn
Read more

30th June

Image
It was the day I had been waiting for, and as my phone rang with a familiar number, my tummy churned and I quickly answered. "Hello" "Hello is that Amy Hook?" "Yes speaking" "Hi Amy, I'm calling from the Gynaecology department at Colchester Hospital, I have a date for your operation.". As many of you know, I have been on the wait list for a hysterectomy with excision of endometriosis since last June. It's been a long wait but one that I knew I had to be patient with. In my mind, I thought the end of the year or maybe even the beginning of next year was most likely for the op. I had plenty of time. So when the lady went on to say "Is the 30th June okay for you?" I was left a little speechless and I found myself simply replying with "Wow, so soon?!".  So here I am 4 days later, and 5 weeks out from the operation, writing my next blog post whilst on a plane home from a few days in Berlin for work. I feel so many emotions
Read more

"How are you feeling?"

Image
I've been doing pretty good. A month has passed since my last post and recovery has continued in the right direction. Physically I've healed amazingly, mentally I've been doing well too. But today I've wobbled. Next week I return to work. I know!! Where has that 9.5 weeks gone?! I'd be lying if I said I was looking forward to it. I'm actually surprisingly anxious about going back. I was thinking it was just the typical anticipation about what I'm going back to and how I may feel with the tiredness that I still have after my op. But today, I've been feeling quite emotional, and as I sat thinking it through, it dawned on me. I'm not sure it's anything to do with work itself, I think it's because it's "normal". Everything returns to normal when I go back to work. Right now I'm on medical leave, still connected to the hysterectomy, protected in this little bubble. But as of Monday, I'm back to normal life. Except, it's n
Read more