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Another Me Update

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Its been over a month since my last post. Why? Well, in all honesty, I was struggling with writing about Endo when it was consuming so much of my time and thoughts already. Trying to put it down on paper (or on a computer in this case!) was very hard and I have always said I would only continue with my blog when it was working for me. It was meant to help, not hinder me. There was so much hope and optimism that my surgery would make a difference to my pain, and so when it didn't, it was a massive disappointment. Not just for me but those around me too. Things have been tricky, and as I wrote in my previous posts, the reality of the big op happening is very slowly sinking in. However, as it sinks it, it means I can also start to process it and get my head around the emotions that come with it. That comes with time and the break has been good for me. For a while it felt like everything was very negative but we're on the up. So here I am, I'm back and typing away...

So whats …

Progress...

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It was two weekends ago that my pain was even worse than usual. It had been building for over a week and so reluctantly I gave in and made an appointment at my GP surgery on the Sunday morning. I went in and was checked over. Nothing unusual was found but I was advised to get back to my gynae as soon as possible and an internal scan was requested to see what was going on. I was sent away with 100 codeine tablets and 84 anti sickness pills. I was definitely going to rattle! With the shed load of pills, I was also given the advice that if the pain got worse to go straight to A&E. Well, 4 hours later thats where my sister and I were sitting. Great. Just where everybody wants to be on a Sunday night!

We spent 5 hours at the hospital. I was checked over again and had bloods taken. It was busy as always. Just before they were going to get a gynae consultant to see me, they asked for a urine test. Now I had done one at the doctors in the morning but I obliged naturally. Just as well they…

Is it back?

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This week marked 13 weeks since my excision surgery. In some ways it feels like a lifetime ago but equally it also only feels like yesterday. The fact I'm not back at work full time doesn't help with that feeling but its what my body needs and I know I should listen to it, as difficult as that can be. However, in listening to my body this week I've also started to wonder, is the Endo back already?

Last Friday as I got up to start preparing some food for dinner, I had a stabbing sensation in my lower left abdomen. As per the normal reaction for cramps, I bent over and crouched down praying for the pain to pass. But it didn't. In fact it got worse, to the point where I ended up simply just sitting in the middle of the kitchen floor. Every time I moved, the pain intensified making me feel sick and filling me with panic. I started to wonder how I was going to get off the floor. I even started thinking about how dreadful spending a night in A&E was going to be! Luckily,…

Dear Endometriosis

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I've never been very good at talking about my feelings, especially face to face. I can't find the words. I get flustered. And my emotions take over. But luckily I can write them down instead so here goes...
I've had a bad few days. I've been massively frustrated with my situation. That includes my body, my mindset, people, work, the lot! I've let anger take over and at times its been misdirected. I've been so upset and annoyed that I've lost myself. I've hated the world and I've hated people too. Its bought me to tears and I've allowed it to consume me. I've let my own insecurities and worries take over. I've let myself believe the worst of people, people who I call my friends. And none of that is okay.
I've been determined from day one that Endo/Adeno wouldn't dictate my life, but I'm seeing that it does more and more. And even more frustratingly, its completely out of my control. When you are someone who is extremely motiv…

The Reality of a Bad Day

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Thursday I woke up feeling unusually low. My pain had been worsening as the week was going on and the realisation that my consultant may have been right, and that my pain was in fact due to the Adenomyosis and not the Endometriosis, meaning the operation wasn't going to provide me with the relief I was praying for, was starting to sink in. I had an early orthodontist appointment so knew I needed to get up. It was a struggle. The pain in my tummy was intense and I felt nauseous with it. I needed to leave at around 8.30am, and I was still sitting at home at 8.45am wondering how I was going to make my appointment in 25 minutes. I was so close to giving in and calling up to cancel. My body wasn't going to be my friend and with my mindset, I certainly didn't feel like I had the fight in me to go to battle with it. Luckily my stubbornness took over and told me to get my arse in the car and to the appointment. Fortunately the traffic was on my side and I made it with a minute to …

2017 Reflections

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I have no idea where the past year has gone. It only feels like yesterday that we were leaving 2016 behind us and looking forward to what 2017 was going to hold. As I look back, theres been a lot of good that has come my way, but I also recognise that its been a pretty tough year too.
My health has taken up a huge part of my year, and not in a good way. I spent the majority of the year waiting for my operation, but as I was doing so my health deteriorated quite considerably. I've had multiple days out of the office, and missed out on family/friend engagements more than ever before. I've had many trips to the doctors or hospital, whether thats through unexpected pain or planned appointments. Finally, and perhaps the biggest bump in the road, was the confirmation that my consultant can now justify the hysterectomy that no one wants to think about, but that is inevitable in the next couple of years. 
Its been a rollercoaster ride, one that has tested my positivity and at times on…

Recovery Update

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Two and a half weeks post op and I feel worse than I did when I wrote my last post a week after surgery. They always say recovery is a rollercoaster and it certainly has its ups and downs. This week I've been struggling with intense cramps that make me just want to curl up in a ball, and pounding headaches that make me want to bury my head under a pillow. Its been particularly frustrating seeing as my physical wounds are healing very well and I'm now able to walk around normally, rather than being scared that the slightest wrong movement could reopen an incision. That said I have managed to venture out for an hour here and there to catch up with family and friends to stop myself from going completely mad from cabin fever. Although laying under a blanket, with the cats, watching Christmas films by the Christmas tree lights hasn't been too much of a hardship with how I've been feeling.
I know I'm still healing after major surgery but its hard not to worry that the pa…